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Invisible Women - Things Can Only Get Better
LockSimple

Jan 18, 2021

•

2 min read

Invisible Women - Things Can Only Get Better

Hello GFPs...it's been a while. First of all I have to say thank you so much to you for all your incredibly kind and thoughtful responses to my last newsletter. They really meant a lot to me in a difficult time and made me feel less alone with my grief and anger. Many of you shared your own miscarriage horror stories, which made me even more angry -- but I'd always rather be angry than sad. I had intended to write to you all again sooner than I did, but unfortunately, barely a week after the miscarriage, my lovely A[merican]B[eefcake] got what ended up being a rather scary case of covid. We had a socially distanced Christmas and a NYE spent in A&E (his NYE, not mine, as the roles were reversed and this time he had to go in on his own without me.) He finally came out of quarantine in the first week of Jan and now we are on the slow path to recovery, but just so grateful it didn't get any worse. ANYWAY, it's whole new year! We've left the horrors of 2020 firmly behind us and as a wise man once sang back in the halcyon days of 1997, Things Can Only Get Better [NOT NOW, AMERICA, JFC] from here on in!!! And as we all know, that was entirely true back then too.So without further ado, let's get back to the business of being pissed off about things other than the world ending and Western democracy having a massive temper tantrum.

Caroline Criado Perez
Caroline Criado Perez
Invisible Women - Radio Silence
LockSimple

Dec 9, 2020

•

3 min read

Invisible Women - Radio Silence

Dear GFPs,Before I begin, let me just warn you that some of this letter will be graphic. If you can't stomach a bit of blood, this one isn't for you.When I first didn't write to you a few weeks ago, it was so I could finish prepping for an interview for the new book. I didn't expect the break to roll on for the following two weeks. But then again, I didn't expect to find out I was pregnant the next day. I also then didn't expect to start bleeding a week after that. And then I didn't expect to finally, after a week of is-it-isn't-it-oh-shit-yes-it-definitely-is have a miscarriage a week after that, just shy of being seven weeks pregnant.I didn't expect to have to drive up to a maternity unit, inevitably full of women with babies and round bellies, while my belly was dripping into my pants. I didn't expect to have to walk in completely alone, because my partner was not allowed to come in with me, yes even if you're bleeding copious red blood and passing clots. I didn't expect to have to take down my trousers and pants, wondering how to lay my pants with their bloody liner so the blood didn't get onto my clothes or the hospital chair. I didn't expect to have to lie down on an examination table and have an ultrasound wand inserted into my bleeding vagina and pressed around my painful, empty womb, while no one was allowed to touch me or hold my hand. I didn't expect to have to be told that they couldn't find my baby and that they didn't know if I was having a miscarriage or if I had an ectopic pregnancy. I didn't expect to start crying in front of strangers. I didn't expect to feel so humiliated and alone.No one can prepare you for how lonely early pregnancy is. You are alone with your body. You are alone with every twinge, with every spot of blood. You are alone every time you pull down your pants in the loo and wonder what you are going to see. It didn't occur to me before I got pregnant how isolating it would be -- after all, I would be going through it with my lovely wonderful supportive partner. But it turns out it really does matter whose body it is. I am the one experiencing it. And I then have to decide which twinge or spot I should and shouldn't tell him about. What is me being crazy and what is something he should know? After all, 20% of women have spotting in their first trimester -- did you know that? I didn't. I now know everything there is to know about everything that can go wrong or right in early pregnancy, AMA.They tell you that a miscarriage isn't your fault. That there is nothing you could have done, and that you're very likely to go on to have a healthy pregnancy the next time. That is, if you can face putting yourself through it again. No one tells you how to do that. No one tells you how to handle knowing that once you've had one miscarriage your risk of having another rises from 5% to 20%. No one tells you how to handle knowing that the statistics around miscarriage are tenuous bullshit because if you go to your GP rather than the hospital no one bothers recording it. No one tells you how to handle the humiliation of having to go through this on your own. I've said humiliation twice and I know many of you, good feminists that you are, will tell me, but Caroline you have done nothing wrong you have nothing to be ashamed of. Tell me that again when you've miscarried in a pandemic. Try not feeling humiliated bleeding with your pants off in front of strangers while being told that your body has failed in one of its most basic functions, and there is no one in the room to turn to. I keep replaying the moment in my mind. I've never felt more vulnerable, I've never felt more utterly alone. I knew it would be bad before it happened. The night before the scan I had a panic attack about going through it on my own. But I also tried to tell myself that these were extraordinary times, that we all had to make sacrifices. Having now been through it and experienced that trauma first-hand I can tell you that the refusal to allow partners to attend scans is inhumane. It is traumatising an already traumatised woman and it needs to stop, now. If you agree, please send any support you can to Pregnant then Screwed, who alongside their other crucial work have been working hard to address what has become a cruel postcode lottery. I was unlucky that my postcode drew a short straw.So there you have it. My explanation for the radio silence. I hope normal service will resume next week, but I know you will understand if it doesn't.Love,Caroline

Caroline Criado Perez
Caroline Criado Perez
Invisible Women - What’s that got to do with my knob?
LockSimple

Nov 16, 2020

•

5 min read

Invisible Women - What’s that got to do with my knob?

Good morning GFPs! just a couple of items to mentions before we get going this week.First up: I am in the running for two panels in this year's SXSW, but first I have to get past the dreaded public vote 😱 -- btw I read an interesting paper this week looking in part at how women avoid competitive environments more than men, and it certainly holds true for me, I HATE this. I have some THOUGHTS about the extent to which this correlates with women knowing the game is often rigged against them, meaning they prefer not to take part, which, again, I think is true for me. But anyway, here I am, so, GFPs, please vote -- and before the 20th November as that's when voting closes. So vote now before you forget!I'll include full details on the two panels below, but in brief, one is about changing regulations so manufacturers have to actually make cars safe for women, and the other is about designing products that don't exclude the female half of the population -- I know right, it'll never catch on.********************On the 27th November 2014, Claire Moore stood outside Downing Street in London and read out a list of 149 names: the names of the women who had been murdered by men in the past year. She had marched through London with a group of about 100 women, many of them survivors of domestic violence, to ask the government to step up and prevent these preventable deaths by investing in the women's sector and making domestic violence training mandatory across all sectors.Since then, women have come together every year on the Sunday closest to the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, for the Dead Women Walking march.In Claire's words:Time and time again we see that the woman killed have been failed – that the warning signs were missed, they were not believed, in essence that their murders could have been prevented. I hear the same statement I have heard too many times to count – ‘Lessons will be learned’ and my heart sinks. I cry WHEN? We women are more likely to be raped, beaten and/or murdered by men we know than by a stranger – one in three of us will experience domestic violence and so just as the dead man walking phrase means someone who is about to die – we are all dead women walking – because until those lessons are learned and women’s lives valued statistically we will be joining this too long list. We walk in protest that our sisters are dying at the hands of men and in memory of the women killed.This year, the march has been denied permission to go ahead, but as regular GFPs will know, while Covid can stop a march, it certainly hasn't stopped domestic violence. In fact this pandemic has made addressing domestic violence more urgent than ever, as levels of domestic violence have risen dramatically around the world.And so while the march cannot go ahead as planned, Claire has decided to march on her own, to raise money for money for AAFDA, a registered charity founded by Frank Mullane in memory of his sister Julia Pemberton and her son Will who were both killed by her partner. AAFDA helps families who have lost a loved one due to domestic violence and their work is more important now than ever. If you can, please donate here.

Caroline Criado Perez
Caroline Criado Perez
Invisible Women - A poor homologue of the penis
LockSimple

Nov 9, 2020

•

6 min read

Invisible Women - A poor homologue of the penis

I wonder how many spam filters that subject heading will get this email caught in. Anyway, what a week, GFPs. What. A. Week. You will forgive the sweetness* and shortness of this edition as I am sleep-deprived and over-emotional. I cried at the result (especially this bit). I cried at the speeches. I even cried at the Guardian rolling pictures. I also have, for the last couple of days, had a series of really odd symptoms. My head is extremely heavy, like when I move my eyes too quickly it's like the whole inside of my head shudders as it catches up. I also have extreme noise sensitivity, with the same head shuddering and fuzzing response at any noise. A quick google makes it sound like a migraine*, which I've never had before and what I'm saying is, I would like to sue the US for emotional and physical damages. The whole of the US. Including the A[merican]B[eefcake] and no I will not be taking questions at this time.*sweetness not guaranteed, please see terms and conditions*no I don't have covid and can any GFPs who are considering it please refrain from emailing me their cancer diagnoses I am stressed enough rn xoxoxo

Caroline Criado Perez
Caroline Criado Perez
Invisible Women - Heading into another lockdown like...
LockSimple

Nov 2, 2020

•

8 min read

Invisible Women - Heading into another lockdown like...

Well, GFPs, I can't pretend I'm not gutted. Back in March, when Invisible Women was Waterstones Book of the Month and there were adverts for Invisible Women in trains stations all across the country, the UK locked down. They were even stocking it in airports, which is genuinely something I never thought would happen to a book I wrote. And it sucked -- it really, truly sucked; those sales and the sales that would have come off the back of those sales, are never coming back. That amazing opportunity was gone forever, and honestly I was devastated.But it also felt like we we were in it together, we were all hurting, and that the government really had no choice. We had to buy time.Nearly eight months later, Invisible Women is a Waterstones Paperback of the Year. I am lucky enough to get a second bite at the apple. Maybe being part of window displays and piles of books by the door, by the till, can make up for what was lost in March.Except, no it won't, because here we are, locking down again.I know, I know, there are so many so much worse off and in the grand scheme of things this must seem trivial to many of you. But the sense of absolutely gutting unfairness that it's now happened twice in one year, well it just sucks. It really and truly sucks.And it particularly sucks because this doesn't feel like the first time when we didn't have any choice. This time we can look around at countries around the world who didn't squander the time they bought by locking down, and have now managed to return more or less to normal. Many of them, are, like us, island nations.Meanwhile what have we spent the past eight months doing?Seeding the second wave via the spectacularly misguided Eat Out To Help Out, for which any fool could have predicted the inevitable outcome. (I'm not saying the hospitality industry didn't need help, I'm saying the money should have been distributed to them without funding our way into another lockdown at the same time)Failing to test and indeed trace.Blaming the public for government failure to create enough capacity in the testing systemFailing to screen travellers at airports -- and then failing to do anything to make sure the quarantine we chose instead was actually happening, with the accounts in this article very much mirroring what my mum reported when she returned from visiting our family in Portugal back in August.Failing to self-isolate, which again, any fool could have predicted in the absence of proper compensation. I had to self-isolate when Mum was ill (she's a lot better this week) and it sucked, but it would have sucked a lot more if doing it meant I couldn't afford to pay my bills.Oh and as was reported yesterday, failing to develop a test and trace app that actually worksAll of which to say, I don't feel like this was an unavoidable force of nature, as the PM suggested in his three-hour-delayed press conference on Saturday night, but rather the result of almighty mismanagement on a catastrophic scale. So, yeah, I'm angry, and upset, and utterly gutted. So if you haven't yet bought a copy of Invisible Women, or if anyone you know hasn't yet bought a copy of Invisible Women, well, now would be a lovely time to do so.Look, I've even made it easy for you with some links:Waterstones Blackwells Hive BookshopYes, other booksellers are available, but it's the brick and mortar ones who are going to be hit by this second lockdown, so if you can buy from them instead of amazon, please, please do. We would really miss IRL bookshops if they went.

Caroline Criado Perez
Caroline Criado Perez
Invisible Women - A Sub-Category of Men
LockSimple

Oct 26, 2020

•

6 min read

Invisible Women - A Sub-Category of Men

My dear GFPs, before I say anything else I want to thank you so much for your many kind emails after last week's newsletter. They meant a lot to me during a tough time. Mum was sent to hospital again on Friday night, and has been discharged with a new course of antibiotics -- which, unlike the last course, fingers crossed, seem to be making a difference. She is eating much better and seeming, mostly, to be breathing much better. I have, however, been left with a bit of a sour taste in my mouth about some of the treatment she received, none of which was alleviated by reading the front page story in yesterday's Sunday Times. This quotation in particular hit me hard:he says it was easier to exclude the elderly from intensive care because the fear of infection meant there were no families visiting who might challenge the decision. “Certainly for some of the fitter 75 year olds we could have taken, we should have taken [into intensive care] and we probably would have done as a result of pressure from families,” he said....because that was exactly how I felt about not being able to accompany her when she was sent to hospital struggling to breathe, with a respiration rate well above normal and with oxygen saturation levels below normal. I just wish I could have been there. And I think we have to do more to ensure families *can* be there. To advocate, to make sure the person you love is recognised as a person and not a number, but also just to be there with someone who is scared they might be about to die.Anyway, thankfully, she seems to be doing better -- at least yesterday. She is asleep as I write and I am letting her rest.In other news, because the world does go on even during Covid, I had some nicer news this week, in that Waterstones have selected Invisible Women as their Paperback of the Year. AND we were back in the Sunday Times top ten this week. I guess someone decided I needed a break.

Caroline Criado Perez
Caroline Criado Perez
Invisible Women - "this essentially is irrelevant data"
LockSimple

Oct 19, 2020

•

5 min read

Invisible Women - "this essentially is irrelevant data"

Morning, GFPs, it's been a bit of a *week* for me. My mum tested positive for covid and has been pretty up and down, including a trip to hospital booked in by the GP because of her breathing being so strained. We thought she was on the mend after that, but then yesterday she started to have trouble with her breath again so...I don't know. This virus is an absolute f***er. Also special shout-out to Peterborough Hospital for treating her appallingly. First doctor acted like Mum was a personal inconvenience to her which obviously has made me furious -- I hate that I couldn't be there to advocate for her. Apparently a women in her mid-seventies with a positive covid test and trouble breathing to the extent that talking is a struggle is not worth her time.Second doctor found that she had bilateral basal opacifications on her lungs as well as crackling in both her lungs -- only we didn't find any of this out until two days later when the discharge person called up, because no-one deigned to communicate any of this with her. At the hospital mum had been told her lungs were fine. So here we are with all these questions and no one to answer them -- bear in mind my Mum is a nurse for MSF so is perfectly capable of having a sensible conversation about her health. But even if she weren't, she has a right to know what is wrong with her and what she is being treated for. I could not be more unimpressed with this treatment team. I also am of course very reluctant now to send her back if she deteriorates if that's how they treat their patients. Obviously I will if it gets really bad, but god I don't want to. It's just brutal that you can't accompany a covid patient, especially now I know how cavalier some of the doctors can be. And to be clear, I very much mean SOME doctors. I know the vast majority of staff are working their arses off and I have nothing but huge respect and admiration for them. This is a bloody awful time for all of us and they are right at the coalface, doing this day in day out. They are exhausted, often underpaid and under-protected (see gender data gap of the week). And I know she was probably just very unlucky. But it's really hard when someone you love is being treated like they don't matter -- especially when you see the treatment less ill world leaders get who by implication matter more than my mum. Well, maybe they do to society, but they don't to me.It also feels like there is no good advice available (like when exactly is it that you're meant to call 999?? NHS website says when they're having trouble breathing, but ffs that is like the entire of Covid). And 111 was about as useful as a chocolate teapot.Anyway, that very long preamble is just to say I'm perhaps not entirely across the Gender Data Gap this week and this will not be a vintage newsletter, for which I apologise. Hopefully regular service will be resumed next week.

Caroline Criado Perez
Caroline Criado Perez
Invisible Women - something new and different for us!
LockSimple

Oct 12, 2020

•

7 min read

Invisible Women - something new and different for us!

Well, GFPs, I'm pissed off again, but it's not housing related.

Caroline Criado Perez
Caroline Criado Perez
Invisible Women - well so long as the men are comfy
LockSimple

Oct 5, 2020

•

3 min read

Invisible Women - well so long as the men are comfy

Well, GFPs, there I was, furiously typing away at your latest dispatch from the frontiers of the data gap when who should call but the estate agent, to inform me that our vendors have decided to pull out just before exchange (as in after I've shelled out £££ in fees). There go my dreams of being out of my tiny London flat and into a house with the A[merican]B[eefcake] by Christmas. Gutted isn't the word. F*cked [hello BMA] off is closer to the mark given the amount of money I've burned. I feel like a total mug, but I guess that's the English property market -- all the risk is on the buyer and the vendor can just change their mind with no financial penalties whatsoever. Oh well, on with the show I guess because the data gap waits for no $!**!&@&£@R*@£(&! you get the picture.Here is the original introduction you would have got....but since I hadn't finished the original newsletter, you may notice a slight change in tone halfway through. And this is also why the newsletter is late. 🤷‍♀️

Caroline Criado Perez
Caroline Criado Perez
Invisible Women - it's all going swimmingly 🤪
LockSimple

Sep 28, 2020

•

5 min read

Invisible Women - it's all going swimmingly 🤪

Good morning GFPs, damn, everything's a trash-fire isn't it? But fear not! Here at IW towers aka my sofa, we are READY to turn lockdown lemons into lemonade. So, since those of you not already locked down are about to be intimately reacquainted with your homes: let's talk hoovers! This weekend, the A[merican]B[eefcake] turned around brandishing the Saturday Times magazine at me, saying "it u." Seeing a big picture of Caitlin Moran, I felt flattered but confused -- until I saw the headline: "I’ve fallen in love. With my hoover." Reader: it me. Ok, not actually me, because CM is very nice and loving to her hoover, whereas my hoover isn't even my hoover. It's the AB's, which I only just discovered he owned when, fed up with walking on a crunchy floor in his flat, I released it from its dusty corner and OH MY GOD. I have never experienced hoovering like it. Naturally, the hoover is left over from a previous relationship, because when has a man ever spent that much on a hoover (tbf neither have I but still). If I'd known about his hoover I'd have moved in with him ages ago. Anyway, obvs it's a miele hoover and TL;DR reader I married him*.*I'm working on it.

Caroline Criado Perez
Caroline Criado Perez
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