This spoke TO MY SOUL. And thank you in particular for sharing the final photo in this newsletter - I feel a little sad that you were 'horrified' when you looked at it, because what *I* see is a healthy woman, outside in the sun, SMILING, active & engaged with the world (& with the person just out of shot), and I think: she looks like she's having a great day, I bet she's fun to hang out with.
The amount of time women in particular are expected to spend on image maintenance got reframed in my head sometime in recent years as a patriarchal tax on our time and I can't un-see it. I have to acknowledge a certain amount of genetic privilege here, in that I have always looked younger than my calendar age without the assistance of products (I've never had a 'skincare regime', I wear makeup on vanishingly rare occasions). Maybe there'll be a point when the picture in the attic catches up in me, and I'll panic like everybody else. But I plan to resist that as long as I possibly can. Not least because anyone who does so makes it a tiny bit easier for other people to make the same decision. Free the wrinkle!! Thank you so much.
I am 65, stopped dying my hair ages ago, don’t use make up and don’t shave. I sometimes don’t look in the mirror. I have my hair cut short at the barbers and keep my ablutions to the bare minimum. I smile a lot. It’s a natural beauty method. For everyone. I’m also still working part-time as a pool lifeguard and none of of my very young colleagues have mentioned my age, my wrinkly face or my grey hair. I do go to the gym, I lift weights, I do yoga, I walk, run, ride my electric bike and enjoy my children, grandchildren and friends. I also love a long lingering morning in bed, reading and drinking tea. Nobody has cut me off because of my age. Far from it. I no longer have a partner and I’m not sure I want a new one. That was liberating after over 30 years. But I have to admit the thought of pursuing one through online dating chills me to the bone. My beautiful friend, a couple of years younger than me, mentioned its brutality. I’m really not that interested to have to go through all that. I have a simple but lovely life, now in the slow lane. Making the most of where I am. I have many friends who haven’t made it this far. It’s a fucking privilege.
I love photos of women smiling, primarily because smiling is contagious, but also because it is becoming increasingly rare. I don't know if this is due to tweeks that mean people can't smile anymore, or because people think they won't be taken seriously if they show themselves happy, but I have to say when someone smiles, it makes them look so much younger (so if that is the aim, we should have far more smiling photos than weird pouting), and shows it's acceptable for a woman to feel joy, and share that moment.
I don’t do make-up either. Experimenting with it in my teens, when it seemed to be compulsory, I disliked how it made me feel (inadequate, not good enough). I decided soon after I went away to university that I wasn’t going to do it any more, that how I looked would have to do.
Bizarrely, I allowed myself to be persuaded to have some light make-up by the argument that “the photos will look so much better”, on the day my husband and I got married.
Why is it that photos are so important?
What happens and what we do is important in its own right, surely, whether or not an image is recorded by someone, and appears somewhere, after the event . . .
Great post! I also react whenever there’s ’natural’ looking women on media and I love it. And regarding the ’wait until you’re in your 50’s’ - that us totally true, but in the sense I couldn’t care less about what other people think. I haven’t used make up since my teens and I refuse to dye my hair, I absolutely love my greys. Most of my friends are the same- so maybe some of the younger ones around will see us and remember how happy we are when they start aging. And finally, you look great!!!!
I've been doing the same ("collecting" women)! And I've also just recently read the essay by Susan Sontag and was surprised how relevant it still is. I'm so happy about every (younger and older) woman in public who hasn't had any work done. I personally find it much more beautiful to see a face where you can see that the woman has lived a life, felt feelings. But I can also understand the pressure on women to get some procedures. I don't have any social media and I think - when I compare myself to some friend who were talking about cosmetical procedures from the age of 30 - this helps tremendously to just not think about it too much. Also, and this might sound a bit banal, I don't often look in the mirror for very long :D, so how I look is not really on my mind.
Thank you for this piece. As a nearly 49 years old I recognised myself so much in your words (I’ve been successful so far in resisting dying gray hair). I will absolutely read Hags next (that’s me !) and always remind myself and other s that laughter lines mean that we laugh enough for our faces to prove it. And it’s good and beautiful.
I’d also like to add that in real life I often hear (or catch myself saying) that a middle-aged woman looks younger than her age, and it proceeds from the same cause : we have no idea what her age looks like and we compare with our conception of it (basically : past 35, hag, past 50, crone ?).
This spoke TO MY SOUL. And thank you in particular for sharing the final photo in this newsletter - I feel a little sad that you were 'horrified' when you looked at it, because what *I* see is a healthy woman, outside in the sun, SMILING, active & engaged with the world (& with the person just out of shot), and I think: she looks like she's having a great day, I bet she's fun to hang out with.
The amount of time women in particular are expected to spend on image maintenance got reframed in my head sometime in recent years as a patriarchal tax on our time and I can't un-see it. I have to acknowledge a certain amount of genetic privilege here, in that I have always looked younger than my calendar age without the assistance of products (I've never had a 'skincare regime', I wear makeup on vanishingly rare occasions). Maybe there'll be a point when the picture in the attic catches up in me, and I'll panic like everybody else. But I plan to resist that as long as I possibly can. Not least because anyone who does so makes it a tiny bit easier for other people to make the same decision. Free the wrinkle!! Thank you so much.
I am 65, stopped dying my hair ages ago, don’t use make up and don’t shave. I sometimes don’t look in the mirror. I have my hair cut short at the barbers and keep my ablutions to the bare minimum. I smile a lot. It’s a natural beauty method. For everyone. I’m also still working part-time as a pool lifeguard and none of of my very young colleagues have mentioned my age, my wrinkly face or my grey hair. I do go to the gym, I lift weights, I do yoga, I walk, run, ride my electric bike and enjoy my children, grandchildren and friends. I also love a long lingering morning in bed, reading and drinking tea. Nobody has cut me off because of my age. Far from it. I no longer have a partner and I’m not sure I want a new one. That was liberating after over 30 years. But I have to admit the thought of pursuing one through online dating chills me to the bone. My beautiful friend, a couple of years younger than me, mentioned its brutality. I’m really not that interested to have to go through all that. I have a simple but lovely life, now in the slow lane. Making the most of where I am. I have many friends who haven’t made it this far. It’s a fucking privilege.
I love photos of women smiling, primarily because smiling is contagious, but also because it is becoming increasingly rare. I don't know if this is due to tweeks that mean people can't smile anymore, or because people think they won't be taken seriously if they show themselves happy, but I have to say when someone smiles, it makes them look so much younger (so if that is the aim, we should have far more smiling photos than weird pouting), and shows it's acceptable for a woman to feel joy, and share that moment.
I don’t do make-up either. Experimenting with it in my teens, when it seemed to be compulsory, I disliked how it made me feel (inadequate, not good enough). I decided soon after I went away to university that I wasn’t going to do it any more, that how I looked would have to do.
Bizarrely, I allowed myself to be persuaded to have some light make-up by the argument that “the photos will look so much better”, on the day my husband and I got married.
Why is it that photos are so important?
What happens and what we do is important in its own right, surely, whether or not an image is recorded by someone, and appears somewhere, after the event . . .
What narrative is being created?
By whom?
And for what end?
The end is, naturally, to sell us stuff!
Great post! I also react whenever there’s ’natural’ looking women on media and I love it. And regarding the ’wait until you’re in your 50’s’ - that us totally true, but in the sense I couldn’t care less about what other people think. I haven’t used make up since my teens and I refuse to dye my hair, I absolutely love my greys. Most of my friends are the same- so maybe some of the younger ones around will see us and remember how happy we are when they start aging. And finally, you look great!!!!
I do hope you’re right about fifty! I do not want to get started on the Botox treadmill 🙏
I've been doing the same ("collecting" women)! And I've also just recently read the essay by Susan Sontag and was surprised how relevant it still is. I'm so happy about every (younger and older) woman in public who hasn't had any work done. I personally find it much more beautiful to see a face where you can see that the woman has lived a life, felt feelings. But I can also understand the pressure on women to get some procedures. I don't have any social media and I think - when I compare myself to some friend who were talking about cosmetical procedures from the age of 30 - this helps tremendously to just not think about it too much. Also, and this might sound a bit banal, I don't often look in the mirror for very long :D, so how I look is not really on my mind.
Haha I’m glad it’s not just me with a little collection! And yeah the Sontag essay is so good
Thank you for this piece. As a nearly 49 years old I recognised myself so much in your words (I’ve been successful so far in resisting dying gray hair). I will absolutely read Hags next (that’s me !) and always remind myself and other s that laughter lines mean that we laugh enough for our faces to prove it. And it’s good and beautiful.
Cannot recommend Hags highly enough!
I’d also like to add that in real life I often hear (or catch myself saying) that a middle-aged woman looks younger than her age, and it proceeds from the same cause : we have no idea what her age looks like and we compare with our conception of it (basically : past 35, hag, past 50, crone ?).